The Brilliance That Lives in Me Will Now Be Shared with You:

Not Because You Deserve It, but because Greatness this Significant is Impossible to Contain.

Overall Record:
57-39-2

Hammerlocks:
19-10-1

Week 8 Games:

Texas A&M +2 at Nebraska – This one is too easy. Nebraska is circling the drain, and the events of the past week have not helped. A&M is fantastically miasmic, but Nebraska is DOA.

Okie State -2.5 vs. Kansas State – K State got torched by Hugh Charles last week for nearly 180 yards, and the Buffs ran for well over 200 yards against a fast, but undersized Wildcat defense. This game is about matchups, and that’s bad news for the Kitties. Oklahoma State has averaged nearly 275 yards on the ground over their last 3 ballgames and they should find plenty of room to run Saturday. K State’s preparation and special teams will keep this close, but the Cowboys will cover (but not by much).

Tennessee -1 at Alabama – Who do you root for here? Fullmer? Saban? Yikes. Let’s hope this one ends at zeros in regulation and goes about 7 OTs before Tennessee kicks the game winner to leave Tuscaloosa with a dominating 3-0 win.

Virginia +4 at Maryland – Virginia has won six in a row, with 4 of those W’s coming by less than 6 points. This one will be close, and I will happily take the points.

Michigan -1 at Illinois – Mike Hart is a game time decision, so I don’t love this game. However, I like the story that is developing in Ann Arbor and the possibility of Michigan recovering from a catastrophic beginning to face Ohio State for the Big 10 title. If Michigan wins the Big 10, Lloyd Carr should get a contract extension, and no, I am not high. High, that’s funny word. Hey, man…I need some Funions bad!

Elton John Game of the Week:

CU +3.5 vs. Kansas – CU will beat Kansas straight up on Saturday. The moon is made of cheese. Kittens are agents of the devil. And finally, quilts can be melted and turned into marshmallow cream. I truly believe all of these things.

Moneyline Game of the Week:

Kentucky +220 vs. Florida – I am not buying Florida this year. They looked ridiculously good against Tennessee earlier this year, but have not been consistent offensively since then. Kentucky will score and score often. Forget the points; Florida will not be able to do enough offensively to leave Kentucky with a W. (Yes, that’s right! I bolded it! Yes folks, that is how I roll! Are people still saying this? Has it jumped the shark? Are people still saying jump the shark? Have I jumped the shark?)

Headed for B-List Hell on VH1 Game of the Week:

FSU -4.5 vs. Miami – This game has no meaning. Wow.

Why We Have AM Radio Games of the Week:

Penn State -7 at Indiana – Honey, it’s..it’s not…it’s not o…THE F*&KING GAME IS NOT ON TV! Go downstairs and listen to the game on the radio. I am going to watch Grey’s.

Too Lazy to Write Much Games of the Week:

Cincy -9.5 at Pitt – I will be sad to see the Manstache go…only 4 more weeks! Get your Dave Wannstedt Magical Manstache Tour tickets before it’s too late.

South Carolina -13.5 vs. Vanderbilt – Too much on the line for the Game Carks to do anything but dominate.

UNLV -2.5 vs. CSU – CSU has lost 136 games in a row. Vegas will make that 137. Let’s all celebrate by doing the forbidden dance…everybody, La Bamba or is it Lambada..ah, screw it.

Too Lazy to Write Anything Games of the Week:

Wake -3 at Navy
Mississippi +5 vs. Arkansas
Air Force -3 vs. Wyoming
New Mexico -8.5 at SDSU
Oregon -13 at Washington

Guantanamo Bay Game of the Week:
Rice PICK EM vs. Memphis – U – G – L – Y you ain’t got no alibi, you ugly, hey, hey, you ugly..

Over/Under Games of the Week:

Fresno State vs. SJSU – OVER 57.5
Cincy vs. Pitt – UNDER 50

The Truly Monumental Battles of Will, Strength, Speed, and Choreography!

Texas Tech +3.5 at Missouri – Texas Tech is such a difficult team to prepare for because you only see this scheme once a year. Tech is good, and they will put up big numbers against an average Missouri secondary. This is a huge game for both teams, and look for Tech to leave Columbia with a W.

Michigan State +18.5 at Ohio State – Michigan State is the best team Ohio State has played this year, and Mark Dantonio gave Tressel fits when he was at Cincy. Ohio State will win rather easily, but the Spartans will do just enough to cover.

LSU -10 vs. Auburn – If LSU does not play like their hair is on fire, then Les Miles did not do his job this week. Auburn does have a very solid defense, but LSU has too much on both sides of the ball for this to be anything but another Saturday night ass-whoppin in the Bayou. This one is for you, Baker.

Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide of a Cheese Sanich Supernova in the Sky!