Fun Facts About the Man You Have Come to Worship:

I have started an online petition to make hockey illegal below the 42nd parallel. Go to www.savehockeyforcanadacausethatsallwehaveotherthanNickelbackgodwehateNickelback.com/banhockey/nerf/Molson/Lorne/Barenakedladies.html to sign the petition. You have the power to give the gift of hockey. You have the power to give the good people of Winnipeg, Regina, Hamilton, Quebec City, Halifax, PEI, and Saskatoon a reason to act violently Canadian once more! Hockey does not belong in Phoenix, Anaheim, Nashville (I mean, WTF), Florida, Carolina, and, yes, even Denver! Hockey belongs in a place where it is truly understood, and will be nurtured, and allowed to flourish! Break open a Labatt’s, put on some pants, and log on to save a sport, and more importantly, to save a country and its people! Thank you. Oh, Canada, my home and native land…