Flea on the Hind End of an Undersized Mule Suffering from Low Self-esteem:

Isaiah Thomas, GM & Head Coach, New York Knicks

Zeke’s misogynistic tap dancing cost MSG and the New York Knicks just short of 9 million $$ this week as a jury of his peers (one can only assume all 12 jurors were fantastically gifted point guards, horrific business people, and graduates of the Corey Feldman School of Dill) found Thomas guilty of sexual harassment. Incredulously, neither the Knicks nor the NBA have taken steps to discipline Thomas, and probably won’t do much more than slap Isaiah on the wrist (and make him coach the Knicks again). Does Zeke have photos of James Doolan and David Stern with Bin Laden in the basement of MSG, or hanging with Mike Vick on the weekends? If Isaiah was a crafty GM or a solid X’s and O’s guy, one could still be disgusted by the lack of punishment, but at least we could understand the turning of the blind eye. BUT, Thomas is at best one of the worst GM’s in the history of the league, a horrible developer of talent, and one of the worst business people in the history of the sport. For a good laugh, take a look at this roster (and especially the salaries) http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/teams/roster?team=nyk. Isaiah, you sir are a weapons grade Dill Hole!


Others Receiving Votes:
TSA Employees – Have now moved ahead of DMV employees as the most miserable people on the planet.
Marion Jones – Everything, everything she has done as an athlete has been flushed down the toilet. However, at least she has admitted that she did it (although she was most certainly pimping for book deal). Memo to Landis, Bonds, et al, WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU AND THE MORE YOU PROFESS YOUR INNOCENCE THE MORE WE VOMIT IN OUR MOUTHS!
Travis Henry – See above, Travis. Keep protesting that B-sample, and we’ll keep not believing you.
James Doolan – You and Isaiah deserve each other. You go together like toilet seats and the remnants for recent usage.

Quote of the week:

“Then why don’t you start gambling.” My Lovely Wife

My beloved provided this earth-shattering quote in response to the news that one of my several readers won $400 the previous week based on my picks. This was truly an historic moment; at no point since lightning stuck the primordial ooze had a woman encouraged a man to gamble on sports. After blacking out for several seconds, I pulled the car over (now you are wondering, if he was passed out…), kissed my wife, wet myself, and topped it off with a marathon session of naked backgammon! Good times, Hamilton, good times indeed.

The Invitees to My Pretty Little Pony Themed Tea Party and Bingo Extravaganza! (The 13 best teams in the land with a look at their road to BCS City):

The Alpha Dogs

LSU – Still the best team in the country, and no, I do not put any stock in a less-than-stellar performance against Tulane last week. They have a clear path to New Orleans.

USC – Fortunate to escape Seattle on Whatthef*&k! Saturday. The Trojans will not be tested much until the end of October when they go on the road to face Cal, Oregon, and Arizona State before finishing the season against schizophrenic UCLA. They will lose one of those games, and it will cost them a shot at the national title.

Ohio State – If the Bucks continue to play the way they have been playing the last few weeks, they will end up back in the BCS title game. The only stumbling blocks are at Purdue this weekend (a game they should win rather easily), and at Michigan to end the season.

Cal – The Bears now own the best road win in the county this season after coming from behind to beat Oregon in a thriller in Eugene last Saturday (the Ducks will have a tough time recovering from that one). Cal gets USC at home, and that fact may help deliver the Pac 10 Title to Berkley this year. However, Cal will stumble once on the road at Arizona State, or at UCLA prior to beating the Trojans.

South Florida – The Bulls may have the best set of wins among any of the top teams thus far this year (though a LSU W over Florida this weekend could change that fact). I love this team, and would do back flips to see them in a BCS bowl at season’s end. After a virtual bye-week against Florida Atlantic this week, the Bulls host Central Florida (don’t get caught half-steppin against the Black Knights), and then travel to Piscataway, and Storrs before they return home for what might be the Big East title game against Cincy on November 3. This team will win the Big East, and they may just end up playing for the whole burrito (f*&k the enchilada!) in January.

Boston College – Who in the hell is responsible for scheduling at BC!?! After starting the season with 3 consecutive ACC tilts, the Eagles have been running the gauntlet of Army, UMASS, and Baaci Ball Green. Things appear to be a bit more challenging in the ACC than they did just a few weeks ago with Virginia Tech, Florida State, Miami, and The Under Armour Turtles playing at a higher level. BC may end up with the ACC title, but it says here that they lose one or two ballgames along the way.

Cincinnati – This is one of the most intriguing teams in the country, and they are most definitely playing some of the best football no one has seen. We’ll know a lot more about this team after they go on the road to dance with a wounded Rutgers squad in Jersey this Saturday.

Waiting by a Phone that May Not Ring:

Wisconsin – Nice win in Mad Town against Michigan State, but they still have to prove that they belong in the discussion.

Florida – No repeat this year, and no repeat on this list next week.

Arizona State – Hmmm…they will have many chances to prove that they belong in the Top 10 with an upcoming 4 game stretch against Oregon, Cal, SC, and UCLA.

Georgia – A Nice team that will make a run for the whole ball of cheese next season.

South Carolina – This team should end up in the SEC title game for a rematch against LSU. Look for November 9 to be a triumphant day for Ole Ballcoach and The Fun Chicken Nation as they send Florida back to Gainesville with a L.

Oregon – The Pac 10 is good enough for Oregon to get back in Top 10. Run the table against SC, UCLA, and Arizona State, and this team may get one of the at-large BCS bowls bids.

Still Wetting Themselves at the Kids Table

Missouri – I do not believe that this team will win the Big 12 North, but they seem to have the pieces in place to at least make some noise. However, as long as Gary Pinkel roams the sidelines in Columbia, I feel pretty safe with my prediction.

Hawaii – Their schedule is a joke, but this team will finish the season without a loss (but will be left out of the BCS party).

Purdue – Still not sure about the Boilers, but much like Cincy, this weekend will reveal the truth about Joe Tiller’s squad.

Lickable Links:

Every time you read the magic that is this journal, I am sure that you shake your head and utter, “How can one man know so much when I know so little?” The sheer force of this imbalance may cause the Earth to spin uncontrollably off its axis; how can I stop this catastrophe before it’s too late!?!” Well, you can’t. However, in the meantime, you can check out these links for some fun before the inferno commences.

www.cfn.scout.com
http://sports-ak.espn.go.com/ncf/index
http://buffzone.com/blogs/
http://covers.usatoday.com/data/odds.aspx

The Brilliance That Lives in Me Will Now Be Shared with You:

Not Because You Deserve It, but because Greatness this Significant is Impossible to Contain.

Record for the Season:
47-30-1 (overall)
16-7 (hammerlocks)

Week 6 Games – All Quick Hitters This Week as I Much of My Focus Was Spent on Baseball, Sanich Making, and Working on Cold Fusion in My Basement…

Indiana -13.5 vs. Minnesota – Perfect setup for the Hoosiers after an impressive road W at Iowa last week.

Wisconsin +2.5 at Illinois – How can I be so lucky to get points with the number 5 team in the country. I know that Wisconsin has ????, but there is no way they get derailed in Champaign.

Kansas State -3 vs. Kansas – The Wildcats have proven that they can cut a little rug while the Manginos have spent most of the season at Country Buffet.

Michigan State -16.5 vs. Northwestern – The Spartans showed that they are going to be a team to recon with all season in a close loss last week in Mad Town, and Northwestern is still are really good drama school.

Wyoming -3 vs. TCU – This is where the Cowboys win the MWC macaroni necklace and $5 gift card to Jiffy Lube.

Georgia Tech/Maryland – Under 41.5 – Look for this game to be nice an ugly. Take the under and hop into a bubble bath!

Georgia -1 at Tennessee – Tennessee is a falling program and UGA is scary good on the road under Mark Richt.

Texas +10.5 vs. Oklahoma – I am probably going to regret this pick, but neither team showed much in their first conference tests. Texas has too many athletes and will play with too much desperation to get blown out. OU wins, but Texas scores late for the backdoor cover.

South Florida -16.5 at Florida Atlantic – Are you kidding me! South Florida is getting no love from the odds makers. This one won’t be close.

Arizona State -9 at Wazzu – It is never easy playing in Pullman, but Wazzu is a mess and Arizona State has way too much to play for to give anything less than a stellar performance.

Va Tech +5.5 at Clemson – As I said last week, Clemson is not a team to be trusted. Take a long look at the +200 moneyline.

Colorado -9.5 vs. Baylor – This could be a trap game for the Buffs, but I am sure that Dan Hawkins will remind his young squad that Baylor came into Boulder last year and walked away with a triple OT W.

Texas Tech -24.5 vs. Iowa State – TT will cover this by halftime. Best bet of the week!

Oklahoma State +6.5 at Texas A&M – This is a points pick. A&M will win a close one.

UCF -3.5 at East Carolina – UCF is a good football team, and will be very well prepared to visit my beloved home state and leave with a W.

Cincinnati +4 at Rutgers – The Nati is on the real, and Rutgers has got to be a bit wounded after getting bounced by the turtle last week.

LSU -7 vs. Florida – I love LSU in this game. In the Bayou, at Night, in front of a National TV audience against a Florida squad that has looked nothing like the one that pantsed the Vols a few weeks ago.

UCLA -22 vs. Notre Dame – UCLA is back (this seems to happen a lot against Our Lady).

Ohio State -7.5 at Purdue – Ohio Sate is playing at a very high level right now and will give Curtis Painter fits all day long.

Missouri -6 vs. Nebraska – This game will mark the beginning of the end of the Bill Callahan Era in Lincoln. On Deck: Joe Glenn!

Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Oh, Oh, Come and Rock Me, Amadeus! Where have you gone, Falco!?! Your genius is sorely missed.