The Brilliance That Lives in Me:

The Brilliance That Lives in Me Will Now Be Shared with You. Not Because You Deserve It, but because Greatness this Significant is Impossible to Contain: (Remember the Hammerlocks Wear Bold)

Note: It’s late and I spent far too much time doing housework, playing with my children, and volunteering at a homeless shelter; I promise that I will get my priorities in order for next week and will put much more of myself into the picks. You are fortunate to have a window into my genius; I promise to bring more light into your sad little world next week.

Georgia Tech +1 vs. Notre Dame – The Jimmy Clausen era seems to be on hold (buck up little camper, and keep making those F&*cking pickles!) and the Golden Craniums lose the home opener (look at the sched., they may not win for a while). Book It! Georgia Tech 31 – Notre Dame 23

Wyoming +4 vs. Virginia – I have a man crush on Wyoming QB Karsten Sween. Just say his name, no really, say it, SAY IT! Where’s my paper bag!?! Laramie will be straight jacked up (a phrase not typically associate with Laramie) and the Cowpokes will avenge last year’s overtime loss in Charlottesville. Book It! Wyoming 24 - Virginia 21 (Take the Money Line +140)

Wake Forest +6.5 at BC – Wake returns the core of last year’s Orange Bowl team (including RB Micah Andrews and QB Riley Skinner), and faces a BC team still shaken from Tom O’Brien’s exit to fellow ACC foe NC State. Book It! Wake Forest 30 - BC 21

Wisconsin -14 vs. Wazzu – Cheeseheads rise from your slumber for now is the time to consume aged cheddar, brats, custard, Linies, and pack Camp Randall for what may be a run to the BCS title game. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, like the site of 50,000 Wisconsiners (ites?) leaving the cold of Madison, Sheboygan, and Osh Kosh for a warm weather bowl site in January. Red hats, red shirts, red shorts, bright white Nordic skin, and 47,000 mustaches (women and children represent a shocking high percentage). Mix that with the smell of citrus fruits and hot mustard and my friends, you have yourself an epic party. Book It! The Men of Cheese 40 – Wazzu 23

BYU -4 vs. Arizona – Prediction: Mike Stoops will be back at OU next fall. Arizona can’t score and BYU is on the rise. I really don’t give a s*&t about this game, so crank up the 8-track and give it up for Foghat! Book It! BYU 34 Arizona 16

Georgia -6.5 vs. OK State - Okie State travels to Athens with a formidable combination of QB Bobby Reed, WR Adarius Bowman, and billionaire Boone Pickens. We have been unable to confirm the rumor that Boone offered Mark Richt his own Chik-fil-A franchise if he benches Matthew Stafford. Too much Stafford, too much REM, too much hedge = a UGA W. Book It! UGA 28 Okie State 21

Auburn -13.5 vs. Kansas State – K State coach, Ron Prince reads a book per week. Tommy Tuberville studies game film. Book It! The Braces Wearing Step-Sister to Alabama 31 - K State 17

USC -46 vs. Idaho – On your right, Mann’s Chinese Theatre, on your left, Lindsay Lohan’s rehab center, and straight ahead the future site of most points scored in a college football game, the LA Coliseum. Book It! Troy 659 – Vandals 2

Cal -6 vs. Tennessee – Warning: actual analysis ahead! Proceed with extreme caution and bring donuts. Vol QB Erik Ainge has a broken pinky so look for a couple of bad center/QB exchanges resulting in 14 CAL points. DeSean Jackson will have a huge day. Book It! Cal 39 – Vols 20

Clemson +3 vs. Florida State – Father vs. Son, blah, blah, blah. FSU’s new coordinators, blah, blah, blah. Tommy Bowden on the hot seat, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. I want to talk about Pez! Pez: The candy that tastes great and promotes partial decapitation! Book It! Florida State 4 Clemson 3

CU -2.5 vs. CSU – Deep breath, focus, stay clear, now DISCO! I have no clue what to expect from Ft. Sheep. They return a bunch of starters from a crappy team, and they get Kyle Bell back after knee surgery (quick, name the top 10 running backs after knee surgery, ok top 5…ok top 3…ok, name one who did not suck). What I do know is that Cody Hawkins has never lost as a starting QB (59-0), the Cheetah is the fastest animal on the planet, ears of Corn can’t hear for s&*t, and that Poker on TV is going to be big someday. Seriously, the Buffs seem to be solid on both lines, finally have some athletes at WR (too bad Josh Smith is out with a bruised kidney…I mean, c’mon! Hell, I climbed Kilimanjaro in 1968 with Tensing Norgay, Ted Williams, and James Brown with a torn ACL, a killer hangover from too much Upapuing [local beverage whipped up by the indigenous folks], and plantar fasciitis), and Hugh Charles is primed for a huge senior campaign (he will be the best back in the Big 12 this year or my name is not Brick Tamland!). The Buffs will dominate the lines, Cody will be efficient, and Hugh Charles goes for 2 Bills. Book It! CU 31 CSU 13.

Push, wipe, and repeat!